Today is officially my last day here in India. I have mixed feelings about leaving and it saddens me to think that this special place is far away from home. When I was walking to the shala this morning, I took my time and looked around to absorb all of things that I will be missing. There were a few times during practice that I was overwhelmed with the fact that I am leaving. Being in Mysore and practicing at the shala is something that I'm incapable of describing. There is a certain energy that lives in the shala and someone would need to experience it to know it. I joke and tease that the things that happen in the shala is "magic" and as hokey as that might sound, it's the truth. During our opening prayer with Saraswathi, I couldn't help but think how fortunate of a person I must be to be standing in front of my mat chanting with this amazing lady. My practice has changed so much in the short amount of time I've been in India. I was counting the new asanas I have been given since I've been here and I counted 7, without modifications. Traditional Mysore practice is not an easy thing; at least for me it isn't. It's a self motivating practice and requires a lot of focus. Two things that I lack and need a lot of work on.
My main purpose for coming to India was to practice at the shala and learn Ashtanga from the source. What I got out was so much more than just the practice. For the first time in years, I felt whole and happy. All of the dysfunction in my life had been stripped away and I was left with nothing, but me. I spent the last 5 years of my life with someone that had me questioning my self worth and my integrity as a person. I played a huge part in that dysfunction and made a choice everyday to stay. Whether it was fear or low self-esteem, I was unhappy for a very long time and stayed. The irony of this situation is that I am happy here and quite content. Yet, I am leaving. Must be another one of life's mysteries that I don't need to figure out right now.
A. Morissette wrote this song "Thank U" after her pilgrimage to India. When the song first came out, I thought it was rather silly. Going through this journey and being able to experience everything I've seen, felt, heard or tasted in the last 2 months, the song makes more sense to me now than it ever did. So if I could say something to summarize my journey, it would be "thank you Mother India! I will be back".
My main purpose for coming to India was to practice at the shala and learn Ashtanga from the source. What I got out was so much more than just the practice. For the first time in years, I felt whole and happy. All of the dysfunction in my life had been stripped away and I was left with nothing, but me. I spent the last 5 years of my life with someone that had me questioning my self worth and my integrity as a person. I played a huge part in that dysfunction and made a choice everyday to stay. Whether it was fear or low self-esteem, I was unhappy for a very long time and stayed. The irony of this situation is that I am happy here and quite content. Yet, I am leaving. Must be another one of life's mysteries that I don't need to figure out right now.
A. Morissette wrote this song "Thank U" after her pilgrimage to India. When the song first came out, I thought it was rather silly. Going through this journey and being able to experience everything I've seen, felt, heard or tasted in the last 2 months, the song makes more sense to me now than it ever did. So if I could say something to summarize my journey, it would be "thank you Mother India! I will be back".
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