Saturday, November 21, 2009


It's been a while since my last post and since I've been back, I haven't been excited to share any information with anyone.  Today marks 3 weeks being back in the United States.  I finally finished unpacking yesterday, but still slowly putting my room in order.  Last week, I decided to paint my room and also rearrange the furniture.  There wasn't much to rearrange.  The only furniture I have in my room is my bed, a small dresser and a nightstand.  Painting my room is a huge change.  I've been living in the mental hospital mentally for so long and having some color and pictures on the wall makes a huge difference.

As the weeks go by, my resistance to being back is slowly dissipating, but there hasn't been a day that has gone by that I wish I were still in India.  With the holidays coming up, the more reason for me to want to disappear.  For the past few days, my friends have been asking about my plans for Thanksgiving.  I received a few invitations, but with my one hour threshold of commitment, I can't make up my mind.  I'll figure it out when the day comes.

Slowly, I have been transitioning back to my other activities and I'm unsure if it's all the other activities or the weather, but my body has been in pain a lot.  All of the aches and pains I had before I left are back with some friends.  The other day, I had a bad wipeout and my foot and leg hit the fins on my surfboard.  I tried to stay in the water and shake it off, but the pain was so immense and I started bleeding and was at risk of being shark bait.  I was able to paddle in and the lifeguard had to bandage me up and drive me to the car.  The good news is that nothing is broken and I didn't need stitches.  The bad news is that I've been laid out for the past 2 days and everything is irritating me.  My foot is badly bruised and very tender.  I tried practicing yesterday and couldn't do a lot of the asanas.  I guess this is the only way the universe can make me sit still and be me with me.  Ick!

Song of the Day:
"I Hope" by Dixie Chicks

Saturday, November 7, 2009


Today marks my first week back in the United States.  I got more sleep this week than I have been getting in the last 6 months.  Traveling back home was a lot more difficult than I predicted.  The night I left India, I cried on my way to the airport.  The driver was barely 10 minutes outside of Mysore and I was already crying.  The airport is about 3.5 hours from Mysore so it was a very long ride. 

From Mysore I had a red eye flight to Singapore and had 24 hours in Singapore till my flight back to Los Angeles.  I'm not sure if it was from anxiety, but I didn't sleep till I got on the plane to leave Singapore.  From Singapore I had a short layover in Hong Kong, then Hong Kong to San Francisco and from San Francisco to Los Angeles.  I slept a few hours on the plane, but I was mentally and physically exhausted. 

The first few days being back was more of a culture shock than it was being in India.  Everything was familiar and the place was the same, but it felt like time had stopped for me when I got on the plane in August.  All of my friends have moved on and are busy with their lives and here I was lost and trapped 2.5 months back.  When I left for India, I didn't tell very many people and it was the same with my return.  I guess it's just easier for me to deal and ease into things.  I'm horrible at goodbyes and didn't really say goodbye to the people in Mysore.  My last day there I went to practice and left right after.  I spent the day shopping for last minute presents and got henna on my hands which took longer than expected.

One of my friends today asked me how I was doing and my response to him was that it has been emotionally rough.  He asked if I felt any disconnection since I've been back and when he said that everything made sense.  I've spent the past week slightly in a funk and even though I've been catching up with my best friends and family, I still feel blah.  The best way I can describe it is waking up from a coma.  Since I've been gone, life for everyone has moved on.  My life here in the South Bay stopped the moment I got on the plane.  It also doesn't help that the girl subletting my apartment hasn't left.  A few of my friends suggested that I need to get back into my normal routine and slowly things will start falling into place.  The only difficult part about that is that I spent the summer playing and I don't know how much longer the playing can last.  At some point I will need to figure out what my next step in life is going  to be.  I don't need to figure it out right this second, but I am in limbo and hate the gray area.