Saturday, November 7, 2009


Today marks my first week back in the United States.  I got more sleep this week than I have been getting in the last 6 months.  Traveling back home was a lot more difficult than I predicted.  The night I left India, I cried on my way to the airport.  The driver was barely 10 minutes outside of Mysore and I was already crying.  The airport is about 3.5 hours from Mysore so it was a very long ride. 

From Mysore I had a red eye flight to Singapore and had 24 hours in Singapore till my flight back to Los Angeles.  I'm not sure if it was from anxiety, but I didn't sleep till I got on the plane to leave Singapore.  From Singapore I had a short layover in Hong Kong, then Hong Kong to San Francisco and from San Francisco to Los Angeles.  I slept a few hours on the plane, but I was mentally and physically exhausted. 

The first few days being back was more of a culture shock than it was being in India.  Everything was familiar and the place was the same, but it felt like time had stopped for me when I got on the plane in August.  All of my friends have moved on and are busy with their lives and here I was lost and trapped 2.5 months back.  When I left for India, I didn't tell very many people and it was the same with my return.  I guess it's just easier for me to deal and ease into things.  I'm horrible at goodbyes and didn't really say goodbye to the people in Mysore.  My last day there I went to practice and left right after.  I spent the day shopping for last minute presents and got henna on my hands which took longer than expected.

One of my friends today asked me how I was doing and my response to him was that it has been emotionally rough.  He asked if I felt any disconnection since I've been back and when he said that everything made sense.  I've spent the past week slightly in a funk and even though I've been catching up with my best friends and family, I still feel blah.  The best way I can describe it is waking up from a coma.  Since I've been gone, life for everyone has moved on.  My life here in the South Bay stopped the moment I got on the plane.  It also doesn't help that the girl subletting my apartment hasn't left.  A few of my friends suggested that I need to get back into my normal routine and slowly things will start falling into place.  The only difficult part about that is that I spent the summer playing and I don't know how much longer the playing can last.  At some point I will need to figure out what my next step in life is going  to be.  I don't need to figure it out right this second, but I am in limbo and hate the gray area.  

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