Last night I couldn't sleep thinking about the amount of time I have remaining here. I have exactly 3 weeks left or at least that is what my ticket is booked for. I don't feel ready to leave and it bums me out thinking about it. There is no question that I miss my friends and family, but there isn't really something I am going home to. I have so much fear revolved about my lack of employment and my future after Mysore.
Had a great practice today. It didn't start out well, but ended well. Yesterday, I told Jonah that this week, I want supta kurmasana added to my practice. There are a few people in class that go beyond their actual capabilities, but every time I see them, I'm left with envy. I'm where I am in my practice because that is where my teacher has told me I need to be. My goal this week is ambitious and a bit ego driven. We are not suppose to practice in the afternoon, but I can't help and work on the asanas that I have trouble with. A week ago, I couldn't lift my head off the ground in bhujapadasana and the other day in LED practice it just happened. In today's practice Sarawasthi was close by when I was attempting bhujapadasana and she saw me try the asana a few times being able to lift my head off the ground. When I was able to get up, she told me to try kurmasana. I couldn't help and cheer to myself and a little "yes" came out of me. I tried kurmasana and was fine, but then Saraswathi bound me in supta kurmasana and I was not ready for that. My eye started to water when she was locking my ankles and pulling my arms together to bind. Goes back again to my theory of be careful what you wish for. Sometimes you want something really bad and it's very possible that it is not the best for you.
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