DM

Sarah got us tickets to see Depeche Mode at the Hollywood Bowl tonight. It is by far the best concert I have been to this spring/summer season. Dave Gahan and Martin Gore's vocals were amazing and the band sounded great. Two hours of raw energy and Dave Gahan dancing his butt off. It was one of those shows that I wished they could of played all night.

We ended up with terrace box seats and I'm always afraid that the closer we are to the stage, the more chances of us getting arrested. Sarah is madly in love with Dave Gahan and wants to have his babies. I think given the opportunity she would jump him.

Peter Bjorn and John opened up for them and I am so confused. There were 3 people on stage and I think Peter Bjorn is actually two people and Bjorn is not Peter's last name. Am I the only one that is perplexed about this?? If they had a comma between Peter and Bjorn's name it wouldn't be so confusing. Do they not use commas in Sweden? I always wondered why John didn't have a last name, but now it makes more sense.

20 years today...

My mom passed away 20 years ago today. It's been such a long time, but I remember the day like it was yesterday. I won't get into the details of that day, but from that day forward I knew I was never going to be the same again. For months we watched her suffer and at the time I wanted more than anything for her to pull through and live. I honestly believed that she would make it and just couldn't believe that I could lose someone that I loved so much. It seemed impossible and I remember feeling it was all a bad joke and I was being punished. Knowing what I know now, it was the best thing for her. No one deserves to suffer and watching someone slowly die is the most painful thing I have been through. As I watched my mom die, something in me slowly started dying too.

As the years went on and I got older, that part of me that had died slowly started healing. Sort of like a prescribed fire in the forest. You have to kill and destroy something in order for it to grow and survive. I no longer think my mom was playing joke on us nor do I think I'm being punished. When I was younger I use to believe that one day I would be traveling somewhere and run into her. The denial was just a way for me to cope. I use to also think that my dad wasn't my real dad and one day my real father would show up and life would be good. Again denial because I am the carbon copy of the man. We are too much alike that I didn't like him.

Things in our lives happen for a reason and sometimes shit just happens. Whatever it is we as individuals decide how we want to act and treat others. Someone can have the most fucked up childhood, but as an adult, that person can make a decision to either allow their past to rule them and live with a chip on their shoulder or do something about it to move on. Personally, since I have done both, doing something to move on is the longer but more rewarding direction.

Song of the day: "Tell You Something (Nana's Reprise)" Alicia Keys

10 Reasons Why YOU Don't Know

This is going to be my last week before the journey to India begins and it's going to be busy. I'm trying to see as many friends and family as possible, but I don't think that is going to happen. Not very many people know I am even leaving so if your reading this, now you know. My sister and brother are the only family members that I've told and tomorrow we are having a birthday dinner for my niece and nephew which the majority of my dad's family will be in attendance. Guess I will tell them then. I really don't see what the big deal is about me leaving and why I need to tell people. Here are some valid reasons why I chose not to share the news of my trip:

1) who really cares
2) I might be convinced that going is the dumbest idea I've had thus far
3) chickening out is still an option
4) some people would be upset that I couldn't commit to going to Indonesia, but decided to go to India on a whim
5) when I get back I will be expected to have better balance and not tip over in Virabhadrasana III (Warrior 3)
6) I will be expected to actually learn something and retain information
7) I would come back disappointed not having met Ravi Shankar
8) people would ask me questions about "Slumdog Millionaire"
9) someone will convince me to not drink or bathe in the Ganges
10) I secretly want to dance in a Bollywood video and be anonymous

About Nothing Of Any Importance

12 days till I leave. My trip is approaching faster than I thought it would and there is still so much to do. I made the decision to sublet my room while I was gone and the process of finding someone decent is a lot harder than I anticipated. Some people are flaky and others are just down right weird. I'm sure that they feel the same way about me, but whomever I choose will be using my bed and touching my stuff. To put it nicely, I am a very particular person. Which in truth, very anal. My apartment is my sanctuary and it's my safe place. So the thought of having someone stay in my room creeps me out a bit. I guess it is all part of growing. This past year I had to compromise and learn that my standard of "clean" is not the same for everyone. This wouldn't be a problem if I lived by myself, but that is not the situation.

Each day I practice the Primary Series the sequence of poses is getting easier to memorize. I still have a lot of work to do, but there is some progress. I had this idea that I should tattoo the poses on my arm and use it as a cheat-cheat. Then I thought about this person I use to know that had little people tattooed on their arm doing acrobatics or something like that and I didn't care so much for it. The tattoo is fine, but wasn't for me.

Speaking of tattoos, I recently got in touch with the artist that designed my koi fish/lotus flower extravaganza. I'm a little sad that he is currently living in Japan, but also relieved that he is there and will stay for a while. The tramp stamp on my low back has been bothering me for a while now and I want to do something with it. I wouldn't mind getting a rectangle over it and just filling it in or even an "X" over it. The tramp stamp tattoo was the first tattoo that I got and I was going through some identity crisis. I think I was about 20 and living in with this guy. We worked together and he cheated on me with another girl at work. DRAMA.... At the time I lived in Orange County and didn't know a lot of people there. My life revolved around this guy and his friends were my friends kind of a thing. When we broke up I had no clue who I was and felt like I had to do something to reclaim myself. Cutting my hair off and getting a tattoo was the perfect solution. My hair eventually grew back, but I still have the big ass tattoo. The tattoo is my equivalent to a barb wire tattoo around my arm.

Sorry about the segue. If I conversed more with people I might not have so many things going on in my head and I might actually be able to sleep. So if I talk to you, I must like you. Well sometimes... Anyway, these past couple of days have really sucked. I haven't been sleeping and all of my friends that I usually hang out with are all out of town. Like some sort of a conspiracy theory that they all decided to go on holiday on the same days. Ironically enough, they all get back on the same day.

Death to Squeaky!

Driving on PCH today I saw the funniest thing. This girl was crossing the street on her bike and this car pulls up to the intersection a bit too fast. This girl must of thought that the car was going to hit her, so she wobbles on her bike trying to stop and catch herself. The best part is that once she stabilizes herself, she squeezes the horn on her handle bars to show her disdain for this guy. Her horn sounded like one of those squeaky stuffed animals. I saw this and was in hysterics. Not so funny that she was afraid for her life, but the fact that she threatened the driver of the car with her squeaky.



Squeak, squeak!

I Got $6 On It

These days six dollars doesn't get you very far. Last night I spent the best six dollars I will ever spend and no it wasn't on a burger.

The Back Story: I was in yoga last Friday and heard two songs that caught my attention. It caught my attention enough that I almost grabbed my phone to Shazam the song or the other option was to raise my hand and interrupt the class to find out who they were. I did neither of those things, but for days kept thinking about the songs. I finally go back to class and find out who the band was. There are two things that happened after this that made me want to kick myself in the butt, which I'm getting rather good at. First thing I do is check my iTunes and of course the song is there. I have a bad habit of downloading a crap load of music and listen to about 25% of it. The second thing was when I was talking to Palindrome she brought it to my attention that she told me about this song a while ago and apparently I wasn't listening. I hear things when I hear things and if you are someone like me who lives in their head a lot there isn't much room for others to invade.

Aside from living in my head, I have a part-time residency on the internet. Don't ask me what it is I look at because I have no idea. I'm either on my MacBook or playing with my iPhone. When I hear a band I like, the first thing I do is to check when they are playing a show in town. As luck would have it the band was playing a show somewhat in the vicinity of Southern California but the setting was a little weird. The concert was going to be at the Del Mar Racetrack after the last race of the day. I'm not too fond of watching animals, people and/or cars go around in circles unless it's the roller derby. Weighing out the pros and cons my love of music won out and the adventure was on. What possessed mArvin to embark on this little adventure with me is beyond me. There was really no convincing involved. I asked, he said yes and that was that.

Researching the event I found that the concert was free with paid admission to the racetrack. When I read that the admission was $6 I kept looking online to find the "real" price of admission. There had to be some catch and not being familiar with what gambling entailed, I couldn't figure out how the racetrack made a profit charging $6 a person. It didn't take me long after we arrived exactly how the racetrack survives. People make a day of watching the horses race, placing bets, drinking alcohol and eating food etc...

We had a few hours before the show so we went to check out the action on the track. I had my prejudgments and wasn't too excited about this. Watching race after race every time the horses would round the final bend the excitement would build in the stadium and I found myself excited with them. I still don't agree with the premise of using animals for entertainment, but it was fun.

After the final race we went back down to the stage area and waited for the band to come on. The show was one of the best shows I have been to this summer. The band sounded great and energy of the crowd was amazing. After the show the band members came out to greet the fans and that made me like them even more. Given the opportunity I would have gladly paid more money to see the show. The fact that it was practically free made me appreciate it even more. The day could not have been any better than the way it turned out. I was with good company, experienced something new and got to listen and watch a great band.

Will Climb for Junk Food

Yesterday Rainbow and I drove up to Santa Barbara to climb at Lizard's Mouth. It took us over 2 hours to get there and about 4 hours to get back home. We were sitting in the car longer than we climbed. There was a horrible accident on the 405 south and the traffic was backed up from the valley. I'm very fortunate to have a friend like Rainbow who I can sit in the car with in standstill traffic for hours and still like her at the end of a long, exhausting day. No matter what the situation is, we always find something to laugh about. We kept ourselves busy talking about the most random things, listening to music and eating everything we had in the car. I don't know where all the food came from but we had popcorn, Airheads, corn nuts (they were at least organic and from the homeopathic store) and a bag of skittles. If you ever get stuck in the middle of nowhere Rainbow is the person to be with.

Bouldering was a little tough. Problems I have tried before I couldn't finish. This is a result of not training and climbing. I have only been out once this summer and before that maybe 3-4 times this year. There was a time in my life when I was climbing outside every weekend and traveling to climb new crags. It was exciting for a while, but at some point I burnt out and lost any sense of enjoyment. I would always be injured, my fingers were constantly in pain and some part of my body always hurt. Not that it's any different now, but at least there are other things that make my body hurt and not just one sole activity. Climbing for me became about the difficulty rating than it was about having fun. My whole world revolved around climbing and felt so much pressure to climb hard. These days I don't climb as hard and don't feel as much pressure and actually enjoy it. The only downside is being a coach of a competitive climbing team and not being in the frame of mind to train and push the kids makes it difficult. I'm often reminded of this theory called 'balance' and just as often as I am reminded of it, I miss the mark.

** photo was our view from Lizard's Mouth

Paddleboard Escort FAIL!

Rainbow and I competed in the Velzy-Stevens Pier to Pier paddleboard race yesterday and had a lot of fun. Paddling pier to pier is a piece of cake compared to the race we competed in last month. The race started in front of the Manhattan Beach pier and ended on the south side of Hermosa Pier on the beach. My finish was much more graceful this time around. I was able to ride my board to shore and run to the finish line. Heading out to start the race is a different story. I had issues going out and wave after wave kept getting pummeled. I ended up losing my water bottle and my beloved chin pad. That chin pad was such a pain to get and now its gone. To make it worse I got my headphones wet and had no music to listen to.

After the paddleboard race the swimmers had their race and Rainbow and I had friends to paddle for. The purpose of the paddlers is to escort the swimmers so they don't zigzag or end up in the middle of the ocean which some of them have a tendency to do. Seeing the swimmers start the race was something I've never seen before. Once the gun went off all I could hear was the splashing of hundreds of people running into the water and splash of their strokes. The swimmers swam the same distance as the paddlers but against the current. It was insane.. I can't imagine swimming that distance and it gave me a new respect for people who swim in the ocean. I whine and groan when it's choppy out and I'm laying on a board with the option to stop and rest. Stopping to rest wasn't even an option for them and plus they have a greater chance of being bit by a shark.

Rainbow and I positioned ourselves outside of the main pack to find our swimmers. Finding our swimmers was going to be an arduous task. There were so many people in the water and all the swimmers were required to wear a standard yellow competition cap. It was virtually impossible to recognize anyone and it literally became a game of "Where's Waldo". Somehow Rainbow and her swimmer found each other (like they do every year) and I absolutely had no luck. I felt horrible and spent a long time looking for Annie (my swimmer) and finally gave up when I started creeping people out. Much to my chagrin I turned into this stalker on a paddleboard. I kept mistaking Annie for other swimmers and would start following them around. Part of my problem was that I wasn't saying anything and just kept staring at them. Even this lady that was way off course didn't want my help. I tried to tell her that she was heading towards the Channel Islands but she just ignored me. At that point I was done and left her for the sharks.


Rainbow: #133 time: 22:54.8
Me: #1 time: 24:19.8

Dr. Phil To The Rescue

This is my absolute favorite This American Life show. I love Starlee Kine!!

http://audio.thisamericanlife.org/player/CPRadio_player.php?podcast=http://www.thisamericanlife.org/xmlfeeds/339.xml&proxyloc=http://audio.thisamericanlife.org/player/customproxy.php

or

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=339

21 Days of Summer

First day of August and my trip is fast approaching. There are so many things I need to do to prepare for the trip and one of them is memorizing the Primary Series. The whole purpose of the trip is to learn but I also don't want to go Mysore not knowing anything. Diana at PAI has been a lifesaver and a great teacher. She is doing everything she can to prepare me for the trip and now it’s my responsibility to actually do my part. Driving to Dana Point can be such a haul but it’s worth it. I've never met such a nice, welcoming group of people. The next ten days I will be pretty much in solitude at the mini Roth's house dog sitting so I can focus and practice then. Well I exaggerate. I wont completely be in solitude unless I choose to be and if I hide from the chatty neighbor. As far as my plane tickets and accommodations, everything is booked and confirmed so that is one less thing I don't need to worry about. Now if I can only remain sick and injury free, life would be so much better. Thursday I went out for a paddle and when I was coming in a wave hit me. I didn't want to let the board go so I held onto it with the fin in front of me. The wave knocked the board out of my hands and the fin hit me in the thigh. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain considering all the other injuries I've collected through out the years, but this was pretty painful. I couldn't walk and now have a shiny black and purple bruise the size of a burrito to show for it.
This weekend is yet again packed and filled with adventure. Tonight is the No Doubt concert which I'm excited about. It has been years since I last saw one of their shows. Tomorrow is the International Surf Festival and Trinity's birthday. I will be doing the paddleboard race at the festival and paddling for Rainbow's neighbor Annie while she does the swim. My injury might make things a little tricky, but the course for this race is pier to pier and will be a lot shorter than the race last month. Rainbow and I even convinced Cola to do the race so it should be a lot of fun.
Trinity is turning 8 (going on 25) tomorrow. She is an exceptional, beautiful little girl who has my heart. I still remember the day she was born and the first few years of her life. My sister and I would do so many silly things with her like putting her on top of their pool table trying to prop her up on a pumpkin to take pictures for her first Halloween. Trin was such a happy baby and too smart for her own good. When she started talking she was never afraid to tell you what she thought or what to do. She has been bossing me around since she was 2 (like mother, like daughter) and hasn’t stopped since. She has a whole life ahead of her and I’m truly blessed to be a part of her life. Happy Birthday to my favorite niece!!