Thursday, July 30, 2009

Bad Data In Equals Bad Data Out

This morning's paddle I flew solo and Rainbow was nice enough to lend me her waterproof gear so I can listen to music. The wind picked up early and the conditions were a bit choppy and not too ideal for paddling. Paddling alone is at times boring and depending on the conditions brutal. Then there is the threat of sea creatures. Listening to music subsides some of the pain and fear and also helps me from thinking too much. A few months ago I bought a Shuffle with the sole intent of filling it with music I can exercise to. I rationalized in my head that my other iPods were too bulky carry and there was just too much of a music selection. At first I was excited and filled my Shuffle with great music to help push me to the extra mile. As the months went on I somehow got lazy. My Shuffle turned into a dumping ground for cheesy songs that would get stuck in my head and that I've heard a bazillion times, but had the need to listen to.

On my way back from El Porto the song "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" came on and in any other circumstance I would have been happy to listen to it. The song is about dying, love, etc and I absolutely love it. Just not at that particular moment. I had another 2.5 - 3 miles to paddle and all I could say to myself was "seriously??? This is your idea of a motivating song". Instead of being psyched and energized to keep paddling I found myself wanting to crawl back into to bed and hide underneath the covers. This got me thinking about the importance of creating a solid playlist and the music we select to put into our iPods. Everyone has their own taste and music that fires me up may not necessarily apply to someone else.

For me my playlists are personal and I create them depending on my mood or for special occasions. I use to work with this guy and he would always know which head space I was in depending on the music I was listening to. However, creating a playlist on iTunes is a little different than putting music on a Shuffle. iTunes allows me the freedom to choose a particular playlist to listen to and the Shuffle is one HUGE playlist. As if the name "Shuffle " wasn't obvious enough I still somehow forgot this minor detail. Bad data in equals bad data out. So often it has happened that I am tired, sucking wind and need a song to push me to keep going, then the lyrics "cherish, cherish" come on. I'm cursing myself and Madonna for writing a song about mermen (well the video had mermen). I can't push the button fast enough to shuffle to the next song before the last bit of energy is sucked out of me. My only hope is the next song will help push me to the next mile and then Norah Jones comes on. It's all down hill from there.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Ashes to Ashes

I thought long and hard about this particular subject and by all means I don't mean any disrespect, nor am I dwelling on the past. My mother's death anniversary is coming up this August. For this reason I've always had a love/hate relationship with the summer. The summer is suppose to be a nice break that is fun and relaxing, but the summer of 1989 was just pure hell. It's going to be 20 years this year which means I have lived three quarters of my life without her. It's crazy to know someone for a short amount of time but have a tremendous amount of love for them. It might be all coincidence, but around this time every summer I get sick.

Side Note: ** There was a point to this post and now I don't quite remember. I wanted to be funny and joke about the fact that I have my mom's ashes and instead of being the crazy cat lady, I'm the crazy girl with her mom's ashes.

A few months ago I went to San Diego to visit my grandmother. It had been a long time since I saw my grandma so I was overdue for a visit. Catching up with my grandma is always an experience. She is over 80 years old and is so vibrant and animated. Our talk got a little more serious and she said that she wanted me to take my mom's ashes home cause she was getting old and needed someone to take care of it. First off, my grandma isn't one of those weird ladies that stuffs her pet or anything like that. The story is more complicated and her apartment was the safest place to keep the ashes until we as a family decided what to do with them. When my mom died my grandmother flew my mom's ashes to the Philippines. My grandma wanted my mom's sisters to have a place to visit since they weren't with her when she passed. The ashes were to be buried on a plot that my mom's eldest sister owned. A few years later one of my aunts called my grandmother to tell her that my mom's ashes were taken out of the ground and the urn was ruined. She managed to take what she could, but there wasn't much left. My mom's eldest sister sold the plot for reasons I won't get into, and the new owners destroyed the grave stone and removed my mom's ashes and left it on the side. To make a long story short, the ashes have a new urn or box thing that I have.

From time to time I look at the urn/box thing and think that a huge part of my heart is in that box. I often wonder if I would be better not knowing and experiencing that kind of love and pain. I don't think I would be who I am today (not that I'm anyone special) not having gone through the experience of losing someone that I loved more than life itself.

Side Note #2: ** Two long paragraphs later, I still don't know where this is going.... hmmmm

Any who, tada.... sad story over. As one of my friends use to say to me with my random stories: "nice story, goober".

Saturday, July 25, 2009

For the Hearing Impaired

Driving in my car the other day I was listening to this Beth Orton song called "Pass in Time". There was a line in the song that absolutely made no sense, but I still kept singing it the way I heard it. Here in lies the problem. Sometimes I hear things incorrectly and even though it makes no sense to anyone else, it sure makes sense to me. The song is about the passing of Beth Orton's mom and the line that was questionable is "You might as well smell". Now in my head, I was thinking maybe she wasn't showering because she didn't want to leave her mom's side. Recently one of my friends told me about another friend who's mom was dying and hadn't showered in two weeks to not leave her side. So this made perfect sense. The other theory I had was that Beth Orton was telling her mom it was okay to die and therefore okay to smell. Yeah I know I'm a little special and there is no denying it.

When I finally figured out the correct lyrics which by the way is "You might as well smile", I was in hysterics. Below are a few more lyrics I have botched up through the years and some my friends have managed to do the same thing.

Song: Pass in Time by Beth Orton

my version:
You're here just a while
You might as well smell,
You might as well smell,
'Cause tomorrow, you just don't know.
It will pass. It's gonna pass.

actual lyrics:
You're here just a while
You might as well smile,
You might as well smile,
'Cause tomorrow, you just don't know.
It will pass. It's gonna pass.


Song: Billie Jean by Michael Jackson

my version:
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But Janice is not my son

actual lyrics:
Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son



Song: Two of Hearts by Stacie Q.

my version:
Two of hearts
Two hearts that beat like a swan
Two of hearts
I need you, I need you
Two of hearts
Two hearts that
beat like a swan
Two of hearts
come on, come on


actual lyrics:
Two of hearts
Two hearts that beat as one
Two of hearts
I need you, I need you
Two of hearts
Two hearts that beat as one
Two of hearts
come on, come on

Song: Take a Bow by Rihanna

my version:
Oh, Andy the award for the best liar goes to you
(Goes to you)
For making me believe that you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech out

actual lyrics:
Oh, and the award for the best liar goes to you
(Goes to you)
For making me believe that you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech out


Song: Heaven is a Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle

friend's version:
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth ?
Ooh Kevin is a place on earth
They say in Kevin love comes first
We'll make Kevin a place on earth
Ooh Kevin is a place on earth

actual lyrics:
Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth ?
Ooh heaven is a place on earth
They say in heaven love comes first
We'll make heaven a place on earth
Ooh heaven is a place on earth


Song: Room Service by Pittbull

friend's version:
Forget about your boyfriend and meet me at the hotel room, you can bring your girlfriends and meet me at the hotel room.
We at the hotel, motel, alakazam

actual lyrics:
Forget about your boyfriend and meet me at the hotel room, you can bring your girlfriends and meet me at the hotel room.
We at the hotel, motel, holiday inn.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Paddling Our Not So Little Arms Off


This summer I took up the sport of paddling. When I say paddling, I mean laying on my stomach or on my knees using my arms and shoulders to move through the water. Paddling is grueling, boring and at times brutal, but I absolutely love it. My friend "rainbow" has been paddling for a few years and she suggested that we train for the Hennessey's race. The race is held at Redondo Beach and this year the race was shortened from 14 miles to 9 which in itself I still consider a lot. I can't even run 9 miles so to paddle with my arms for that distance seemed impossible. Rainbow and I had about a month and half to train and there were days when the conditions were so bad that I often wondered why I was putting myself through the torture. My friends would ask what it was about paddling that I enjoyed so much and why I would put myself through that kind of pain. To this day I haven't been able to give anyone a clear cut answer. I don't even think I know. Being in the water brings me a sense of calm and peace. I'm the biggest chicken when it comes to sea creatures (even creatures we refer to as humans), but somehow none of that matters. While I'm paddling my shoulders and traps (or my trapezoids as I like to refer to them) burn, my low back hurts, legs are cramping and once I'm out of the water it's done. The pain stops and I go on with my day. My body is sore, but it's a good reminder that I worked hard.

The race was held on July 11 and a few days before the race I was in bed sick and fighting an infection. I had a little too much fun on 4th of July and I spent the week paying the price. Rainbow and I spent sometime preparing our rig for our paddleboards and up until that point, I was still excited to do the race. Come race day I still wasn't feeling well and was told that the race is now going to be close to 11 miles instead of the 9 we were originally told. This was the turning point when I wasn't excited about the race anymore. Rainbow and I had two training days when we paddled up to 8 miles and even though the difference between 9 miles to 10.6 didn't seem like a lot as in terms of numbers that distance is equivalent to going pier to pier. To top it off, the course was a triangle course and we needed to complete 3 laps to finish. The race was a water start and there were over 300 competitors all starting at once. I took my time at the start and ended up being at the very end of the pack. I stayed there through the race and did I the best I could to get through the race. My first 3 miles were the worst. I was dehydrated and with every stroke I felt like I was going to vomit. I finally found my rhythm the 2nd lap of the course, but by then everyone was so ahead. My original goal was to finish the race, but my ego was telling me I couldn't be the last one to finish. Through the duration of the race I was switching leads with this guy and on our final lap he asked me if I wanted to finish the race with him. Teaming up with Frank was the final push I needed to finish. At this point my shoulders were giving out and my low back was hurting like crazy. I was too afraid to fall in and waste time so I didn't even bother trying to get on my knees to paddle. Laying on my stomach and paddling for that amount of time was hellish.

The race ended with a beach finish which meant we had to ride our boards onto shore and run to the finish line. I was so tired that I tried to catch a wave in to save some strokes, but ended up tumbling over losing my hat and board. To make matters worse my legs were jello and weren't working. I would take two steps and fall. Frank literally had to drag me to the finish line. When we got to the finish line I pretty much collapsed and just sat there. I recall the judges asking for my number and being surrounded with my friends and had no clue what anyone was saying. The only thing I recall saying was that I wasn't the last one to finish. I was the last girl to finish, but beat out some of the guys. In the bigger picture it didn't matter whether I finished first or last. I finished the race and that in itself was a huge accomplishment.

Rainbow #42 2:43:25
Me #45 2:58:45

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

It is what it is

Less than a month from now I will be on a plane to Singapore to spend some time with my cousin who I haven't seen in over 25 years, then off to India to study Ashtanga yoga. At first what seemed liked a far fetch idea has become reality. My decision to go to India wasn't something that I had to think twice about. More or less I didn't really think the idea through and it kind of chose me. One day I woke up and knew that I had to go. In the past year there have been two occasions that I woke up feeling I had to act on a situation. On both of those occasions, the action I took created a shift that removed some sort of a road block in my life. The trip to India may or may not create this change in my life, but I will never know if I don't go.

My plan is to study at KPJAYI for 2 months and travel in between to either Delhi or even possibly Tibet. Tibet is a place that I have been dreaming of going to for over 10 years. Recently I was having a conversation with someone about my trip and somehow we got to the topic of Tibet. This person told me that not going to Tibet was a huge regret and the conversation reminded me how passionate I was and still am for the people and the country of Tibet. In my early twenties I was very involved with the Tibetan community here in Southern California and how I would have done just about anything to step foot in Tibet. I've been given the opportunity to do the things I have been wanting to do 10 years ago. At times I feel like I wasted the decade of my twenties trying to resolve the hangups of my childhood and whatever else it was dragging me down. According to my family I should be married with children. I'm a little behind on that bandwagon and maybe it's one that I may not even jump on. Who's to really say? My biggest concerns these days are the amount of miles I should paddle, which yoga class I should attend, which friend is available for the day and if there is a swell. The change definitely took some time for me to get accustomed to. I went from working a full-time job, coaching a rock climbing team, working on survey projects on the weekends to absolutely nothing and not working at all. The lack of structure and not having as much money use to drive me insane, but the trade off is happiness which some people may never truly experience.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Funemployed

This summer has been one of the best summers I've had in a very long time. Summer 2008 was a time of heartache and transition. It was one of those phases in life that you didn't know if the pain was going to ever end. Breaking through and being on the other side is an amazing thing. As cliche as it may sound, time does heal. At least most wounds....

Losing my job was hard but also a blessing in disguise. The time off has been given me the opportunity to enjoy life and feel true happiness. It is the kind of summer that I use to spend as a kid riding bikes and running around town doing whatever it was and stumbling onto new adventures. The activities that I did with my friends didn't really matter cause whatever it was it was fun to be with good company and laugh about silly things that aren't so silly to anyone else. Last summer I spent the whole summer crying and this summer I've never laughed so much in my life. I have been very fortunate and blessed with an amazing set of friends that show me everyday what it truly means to be a true friend and what unconditional love actually is. Their love and support makes me a better person.

The excess of time has given me the opportunity to try new things and improve on my other activities/interests. Paddling is a sport that I've always wanted to try and this summer I started training and competed in my first paddleboard race. The race was 10.6 miles and I was able to finish and not be the last one. :) Yoga is also something else I have been able to focus on. Practicing has created a shift in my life and has opened doors that I would have never pursued if I was working a full time job.